Mad Hatter and Alice
by TheJauntyJabberwock
Summary: One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Jervis finds an Alice, a willing Alice, as delightfully mad as he is. But how long can it last? And what new adventures will the two fall down to? ((Rated for mature themes and possible content, as most of my stuff is.))


AN: this popped into my head and here. We. Go. Apologies for typos no computer so working on mobile.

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Jervis wasn't the kind to frequent these sort of...places. The dark atmosphere and pulsing lights, tables set with discarded items and bags as leather and lingerie clad denizens strut on the dance floor to gothic pulsing beats, or played in corners or on stages with floggers and chains and paddles and ropes. While true it was not necessarily for him to judge what consenting adults do in their spare time, he could not say he was at all at home in this establishment.

Only one thing had brought him here. And there she was. A beautiful brunette woman sitting at a table laid out for tea dressed as Alice already. Her blue dress immaculate with what looked to be hand crafted white lace detailing. No cheap costume store knock off. Beside her, was a man in brown checkered suit and a black leather bunny mask. Across from her sat a man dressed in an Edwardian fashioned suit and hat. No sooner had he taken in the vision, drowning out the depravity of the rest of the bdsm club's attendants, when he heard her shout.

"Off with his head!" She picked up a knife and stabbed it into the table close to the man's hands, causing him to jump back so fast he nearly toppled out of the chair. He wasn't sticking around after that, eyeing Jervis on his way away.

"I wouldn't bother, she's crazy!" He hurried away. Alice removed the knife and poured more tea for the March Hare.

"Pardon," she interrupted his greeting,

"No room!" She dismissed, and never before had a dismissal made his heart flutter so.

"How did such a well dressed man cause offense?" He inquired, which caused her to huff.

"Well dressed indeed! Can you believe the things he said? Tell him what that man said, Marchy!" The March Hare motioned with gloved hands and Alice nodded immediately,

"Precisely! Just so! Oh yes, but you are right as ever Marchy, I must mind my temper."

Jervis was delighted by what he was seeing take place before him, making the trip two cities over very much worth it. All he had heard was true so far. And so close yet so far!

"Ah, but you see, I did bring an invitation." He countered, and held up the sky blue envelope which caught their attention. She jumped up and snatched it from him,

"Marchy, where are my inspect-acles!" The March hare passed her over a headpiece with literal magnifying glasses as eye pieces. She looked over the invitation and whispered with the March Hare dramatically before deciding.

"After much inspection, we've decided...why didn't you say so from the beginning?" She sprung up and ushered him over and into a seat.

"Today we are enjoying a Jasmine Green Blueberry tea, with slippery elm and licorice root to sooth the throat. Marchy must keep his vocals in tip-top shape!" The March Hare raised his tea cup at the mention.

"And with it, home-made lavender lemon bars." She plated on for him, poured him a cup, and then returned to her seat.

"So begins your audition for the role of Mad Hatter. Let it be known we take such a position quite seriously. And if you fail to meet our expectations..." The March Hare motioned with a finger across his throat, causing Alice to giggle.

"Yes, well said!"

An audition? Well, not something he was concerned over. He noticed then the hookah settled between the two, which the March Hare took up the hose for. Jervis cleared his throat.

"How doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws, and welcomes little fishies in, with gently smiling jaws!" She perked up and responded,

"Learn well your grammar, and never stammer, write well and neatly, and sing most sweetly, be enterprising, love early rising, go walk six miles, have ready smiles, with lightsome laughter, soft flowing after." It wasn't from the Alice books. But Jervis still recognized it as one of Carroll's poems. He had just the thing to return with.

"What must I do? At length I cried, tired of the painful task. The fairy quietly replied, and said, you must not ask." He took a sip from his cup and watched a brilliant smile spread across her face.

"Finally. Someone worthy to sit there." She sighed.

The rest of the evening went swimmingly. March Hare said nothing verbally but participated the way a mime might. Jervis learned that Alice worked retail for a local jewelry boutique, a job which made good money but wasn't something she was exceptionally passionate about. It "pays the bills", as she put it. Her real passion appeared with something called paytreon. Where she sold photo sets and custom tea pairings and tea blends, and made baking videos with quite the online following. She didn't know what March Hare did in the real world. And she didn't pry.

Jervis was at a loss for what to say about his life outside. He didn't exactly want to lie. He didn't exactly want to frighten her away either. Then he remembered the sound threatening she had given the gentleman before, and nervously set his tea cup to it's saucer to entail.

"My name, is Jervis Tetch. Otherwise known as the Mad Hatter. I'm from a few cities away, a place known as Gotham. Oh, not to worry though!" He quickly pulled from his coat his certificate of sane health and held it out for her proudly, "I'm quite well enough now! But, of course, when I heard about this, my curiosity was peaked and I simply had to see it for myself!" She peered over his document. Looked over him again. He felt himself sweating under the gaze, his fingers nervously rapped on the table.

"We're all mad here!" She passed the paper back to him and held up a cup with a smile.

"To most destined acquaintances!" March Hare joined. Jervis breathed a sigh of relief, and joined.

Soon the March Hare tapped her, held up a pocket watch.

"Already? Same time next week? Always glad you can make it!" She stood to hug him, the March Hare waved at Jervis, and left.

"Is it time to leave already?" Jervis truly didn't want it to be. He was having a grand time.

"Soon," she sighed, soon I'll have to clean up and head home." She didn't sound any happier about it, and he felt his heart jump up into his throat as his fingers caressed the china cup in his hands.

"Well...what if you didn't have to go back?"

"But I do. Bills don't pay themselves."

"Well...what if you could...take a vacation? I could show you Gotham. It's quite the Wonderland..."

She looked him over thoughtfully. He felt the mind control chip warm in his pocket. She sipped her tea. It was getting warmer. She tapped her chin with a dainty well manicured finger thoughtfully. The skin under the pocket with the control chip started to itch. She grinned.

"Oh no!" She said it dripping with the same sarcasm as Willy-Wonka, the same ungenuine inflections, "help! I'm being kidnapped! What ever shall I do!" She drained her cup. Stood up. Walked around to him with one hand on the table.

"I do hope you can make this worth my time?"

"I do believe I'm up for the challenge." He stood with a smile.

"Well then. Shall we go through the looking glass?" He offered an arm. She took it. They left the tea party where it was.


End file.
